“I am not a vegetable!” Chief Cucumber argued. “My ilk and I are fruits!”
“Impossible!” All the vegetables yelled. “That’s an abomination.”
“That is our decision,” iterated the Chief Cucumber. “We refuse to be considered greens.”
“We all are greens!” The chief of the Vegetables shouted. “How dare you deny what you are! Look at your skin. It’s all green….and white……and green……… It’s all over you!”
Chief cucumber rose and screamed in anger. Having the others define him and his ilk as greens, with a description of his features had irritated him like pepper in the eyes.
“You all forget,” he said, “our fathers say: ‘a gorilla and a monkey can claim kinship; but a gorilla is a gorilla and a monkey, a monkey!”
He drew his sword and asked his ilk to do same. Together, they fought day and night for three and a half years, not to be defined by their greenness.
“Forget this green land,” he reminded his comrades daily. “The sun is where we get our strength from. Our land shall be the land of the sun! The rising sun shall be on our flag!”
His words empowered all the cucumbers in the land and they fought courageously daily. However, the other vegetables outnumbered them and as such, killed them in their numbers. Their bodies littered green grasses of the land and rotted into the green earth… everywhere was green…and white…and green fields…
One day, Chief Cucumber ran his hands through his full beard. The battle had gotten out of hand. Funds had finished. His men had been slaughtered in their thousands. So, he ran away.
His second-in-command, after only four days, called the Chief of Vegetables.
“Don’t kill us all,” he begged.
“Have you agreed you are vegetables?” Asked the Chief of Vegetables. “If you agree, we will stop the war.”
“Alright then,” he agreed.
And with that, the war ended. Years after, Chief cucumber returned. Some negotiations were carried out. He was pardoned for his treason. However, he kept repeating it for years in every interview:
“Cucumbers are scientifically classified as fruits. We have an enclosed seed and develop from a flower; hence, botanically speaking, cucumbers are classified as fruits. Stop calling us Vegetables! We demand our Fruit-State, ruled by the Sun!”
Years later, he fell and died from the tiredness of his words but doctors called the cause of death an ailment. Gossips said it was old age. Clerics said it was God’s time. However, the strangest thing happened as he died: All vegetables mourned him and called him a VEGETABLE HERO! They covered his coffin with greens…and white…and greens.
Who is more pathetic: the fallen Chief Cucumber who got defined by what he refused to be or the living vegetables who insist on calling him part of the vegetable kingdom despite his abhorrence of such?
Poor vegetables! In death, as in life, confusion still clouds the definition of Chief Cucumber. Fruit or vegetable, I guess, the earth takes us all one day.
RIP The bearded Chief.